30.

Today is my 30th birthday.

Last year, at this exact moment, I wrote that I have never felt more old or more exhausted than I did right then.  I was most definitely wrong, as this past year has aged me even more, and due to recent medical problems and a diagnosis just last night, I have really never been more exhausted.  But I can also say that, right now, at this moment, as I say goodbye to an entire decade and era of my life, I have never been happier.

My twenties were incredibly hard, and often heartbreaking.  I lived through experiences that most people save for much older years. But I also found love, I found my home in Utah, and most importantly, I found myself.

The decade of pain and struggle is behind me.  I walk into the next decade of my life with an incredible belief in hope and miracles.  I am surrounded by them lately.  I witnessed a miracle today, as my brother and sister-in-law brought home a baby girl after trying to have children of their own for eight years. I witnessed one a few weeks ago that is too personal to share, but it is one that I will never forget as long as I live.  The fact that I am even celebrating a birthday is a miracle, given that 30 years ago my mother faced life-threatening pregnancy complications, was urged to terminate her pregnancy, and when I was born ten weeks early no one believed I would live. But here I am.  And in just three days, I will be sealed for time and all eternity to my husband and my children in a Temple of the Lord - a dream come true that is too incredible to even know how to write about.  I have come to a place in my life where I am ready to stop living in the darkness. (As long as I have plenty of SPF 1000 sunscreen, of course.)

My thirties will be amazing and they will be challenging.  I am struggling with my career, my health, and my future...but underneath it all, I am happy.  I know who I am, I know God has a plan for me, and I have an eternal family that will stand with me no matter what.

Here's to my next thirty years. (Damn that Tim McGraw - been stuck in my head all day.)